Your One Elusive Thing

Your One Elusive Thing

Your One Elusive ThingIs there something in your life that you’d really like to achieve but has so far eluded you … Your One Elusive Thing? You may have your life pretty well sorted, but are one or two things where you just can’t seem to get the traction you really want?

When there is one big elusive thing you are serious about achieving, let the not so big things go. They can get in your way because when the going gets hard, and the going will get hard, it is tempting to shift your focus from Your One Elusive Thing to a not so big thing, simply because it’s easier.  Learn to conquer your One Elusive Thing and you can reload and repeat in any other areas of your life because you have mastered the art of real, sustainable change. You may find however, that your not so big things will no longer even be an issue.

When most people want to address something that has eluded them for some time, they seek support in the area of that change. People who want to lose weight go to weight loss programs; people who want to stop drinking join AA, read books on it, or join a Facebook group; people who want to start a business get their ducks in a row.

There is nothing wrong with any of those kinds of supports and they may be helpful. But what if there is something you need to know that is even more important than learning the nuts and bolts of the thing you want to change. What if learning HOW to make and sustain change is more important than the actual things you do when you are changing?

Brain Pathways

Neuroplasticity is the ability your brain has to create new neural pathways. Each time you  repeat a thought or an action you strengthen the neural networks that represent that behaviour. Old thoughts and behaviours are like well-worn paths that are habitual. Imagine your brain is like a National Park made up of  paths and wilderness. The paths are your habitual behaviours and the wilderness is where you can create new paths in order to arrive at a different place. 

Creating new neural pathways is challenging because it is like pushing out through the wilderness. The reason change is so hard to sustain is because it can be mentally exhausting and the more tired you get the stronger the lure of a well-worn path is.

The Compound Effect

There is a compound effect to path pushing.  When you push through the wilderness it will still feel like wilderness for longer than you think and each time you do it you are tiring. Maintaining your commitment to change is difficult until you start experiencing the benefits. When the benefits do start to flow and growth is rapid, it is not because you have achieved sudden success, but because of the compound effect of all the work you put in, even when you didn’t see any results.

Mind Power

Mind power, or thought power, is one of most important powers you possess in making and sustaining change. Your thoughts impact your actions, your feelings and your physiology so it is vital that: –

  • you  are aware of your thoughts and your mindset
  • you realise that your thoughts are subjective and are created out of your perceptions
  • you take responsibility for your thoughts 
  • you accept that you have the ability to change your thoughts
  • you consistently create thoughts that serve the accomplishment of Your One Elusive Thing 

Analyse your Needs

Everything you do everyday is an attempt to meet one or more of your needs. In fact your days are a carefully orchestrated and finely balanced symphony of meeting your needs. Any changes will impact that. Before you set out once again, to achieve your One Elusive Thing, do an analysis of your specific needs profile.  You can do that by popping your email address into the form in the sidebar. There could be a number of  reasons why the thing you have wanted for a very long time might has eluded you. The particular reason we are looking at here, is the effect of pushing those paths of change through the wilderness of your brain. During the period of  set-up and change, as you move towards your  One Elusive Thing, the ways in which you have been meeting your needs will be impacted.

Here’s an example of what this might look like in practice:

You have a successful business but you want to branch out into something that you are very passionate about. You have wanted this for a very long time and had several goes at it but have never managed to sustain the new business branch. The reason why this is the case continues to baffle you.

What will the new business branch give you ? (what needs will it meet?) :

  • Power: You have a quality world picture of yourself being successful in this area
  • Survival: It will provide you with a better bottom line to your business
  • Fun: You are passionate about this aspect of your business and like the process of learning something new
  • Freedom: This business branch will eventually allow you to have the freedom to do and be who you want
  • Love and Belonging: You will eventually have more time available to spend with your friends and family

Now look at what needs it is impacting while you are making the changes necessary to create this new business branch.

  • Power: While you are implementing the new things and learning the new skills your power needs may be impacted because the quality of the work in your new business is not as high as the work that you have experience in. You are nervous about what people will think and the time you are investing in the new branch may impact the success of your existing business.
  • Survival: In the building phase you are investing money and energy as you have to keep your existing business going while launching the new branch. You are not seeing any profits from the new branch.
  • Fun: While you are having fun building the new branch, the time you are investing is diminishing the time you have available for other recreational things you enjoy.
  • Freedom: While eventually you may have more freedom, in the creation phase you have a lot less freedom to do other things.
  • Love and Belonging: You probably have less time to spend with friends and family.

Go Easy on Yourself

Your One Elusive ThingDoes this explanation help you to see why making sustained change is so difficult? Pushing through the wilderness areas of your brain is hard enough, but continuing to meet all your needs while you do it is like juggling balls at the same time. Do not be discouraged!! People do manage to make changes in their lives, so you know it is possible to create the life you really want. Awareness of the things that have caused your One Elusive Thing to elude you is the first step and what we have discussed in this post is just one possibility. There are more.

Next week we will look at whether the thing that has eluded you all this time is what you really, really, want and how to make a good decision about it. If you haven’t done it already, don’t forget to sign up for  your Needs Profile in the sidebar, it means that you will also receive a notification when the next post goes live.

As always please leave a comment below, sharing any of your experiences with changes that have eluded you. Your input will help others. I am also thinking about starting a Face Book Group to address this issue of : Your One Elusive Thing. If this is something that you might be interested in joining, please contact me via the contact page.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Deb

13 Comments

  1. Wow, what a lovely article, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It is written with care and I feel like I need to listen to myself and what I really want after reading this. I do feel like we are so hard on ourselves sometimes in the never ending quest to become better people. Thanks, I’ll be reading this again…

  2. You are absolutely right with the power of thought. 4 years ago I had a stroke. I didn’t know how to write anymore. But the doctor advised me to do writing exercises. After two months I managed to write again. I read about new synapses that form in the brain and I think that’s what happened. I’m fine now, almost like before the stroke. Thanks for posting.

  3. I know that finding a good article does not come by so easily so I must commend your effort in creating such a beautiful website and writing an article to help others with useful information like this. Over time there has been quite some controversy over decisions and choices, but to me I feel that Decision is  the act of or need for making up one’s mind, while  Choice is the right, power, or opportunity to choose,Decision comes from “cutting off” while choice comes from “to perceive.” Taking the origins and definitions together, we may gain some clarity.Or do you have a different perspective?

    1. Thanks for your kind comments about the website Wilson, we have put a lot of work into it and hope it is beneficial 🙂 I’m not quite sure that I understand what you are trying to say. I would say that a choice and decision are pretty much the same thing. But if you would like to explain further I am always happy to think about it further. 🙂

  4. Hello there,  thank you for this very detailed and inspiring post, often times we are faced with the part of us craving for satisfaction,  even when we get everything all together, and most time we fail to identify that which is missing.  I  don’t know if it’s just me but really i went into so many things to satisfy my longing until I looked inside. Only then was I able to figure out what was it I needed to fix up.

  5. Hello there, This is an amazing article that you have got here. The article is so well detailed and coordinated. The choice theory is a great concept that has kept my head bulging. I had very little idea about the mind power and how it works. But it has broadened my perspective and enlarged my reasoning. This is great and thanks for sharing.

  6. Hey nice article you have there, your thoughts are indeed invaluable. I have learnt a whole lot from this article. What captured my attention the most is the process of analyzing needs, I really learnt a lot from it. Many a time so may fail in business or in life beacuse there were unable to differentiate between what they needs from what they wants. Thanks for the insight. Warm Regards

  7. I am 25 and not long ago realized that I am stuck with my behavior routine. What is bad about it that I couldn’t start doing new things. I realized that many things seemed unchangeable. 

    Then I started to read and analyze why this is happening. I realized that those routines stayed up too long. If some behaviors you don’t like stays too long it gets “stuck in you”. 

    The first book I read about self-development was “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari”  by Robin Sharma. Yes this book is very superficial, but it was the first time I heard that you can learn to control your mind and thoughts.

    I like your article about how you explain “Brain Pathways”. It is easier to understand why it is hard and how to seek new things in life. I can say that your articles are more inspirational and explain more practical ways to self-development.

    maybe you can suggest some books for me?

    Thank you in advance. 

    I will be back to read more of your articles!

    1. Thank you David for your generous comment 🙂 I hope you do come back because I think if you read and apply what’s here you won’t need to read books on self-development. Personally I have read hundreds of books and listened/watched hundreds of hours of podcasts/youtube clips and Choice Theory provides the most useful strategies for change. There are many books on Choice Theory, written by its creator Dr William Glasser, but I couldn’t relate well to his style of delivery, hence the work I do here.

  8. Making changes was very uncomfortable for me. And sometimes it still is. Our brain always wants to make some kind of patterns to work by.. 

    I have come to a good way of making changes easier in my life. And have acknowledged that whenever I felt that some change is hard for me – it was because I lacked motivation on that subject. That could be because I didn’t believe I can make it, or I didn’t really want to make it. 

    So, in my opinion, if you want to make a change, first think about what that change represents for you, how will you feel when you make it, in what ways will you help yourself feel better.. When you motivate yourself, the change you will be making will not feel so hard and you could start feeling excited about it ! 🙂

  9. I really liked your post, I think we have similar interests.
    I wrote about desires and if you want to check it out and leave your opinion I will be glad to answer or discuss anything in the comments: https://art-awareness.com/what-is-unconscious-desire-know-your-dark-desires/

  10. Hello there, thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful piece of information here with us. I must say i really did enjoyed going through your article as it contains detailed information’s one can hold on to. I had very little idea about the mind power and how it works, but this has broadened my perspective and enlarged my reasoning. Thanks for sharing this

  11. Hello Dear, I must say that this is really a nice and helpful piece you have got here on the topic titled; your one elusive thing. I have been a victim of that one elusive thing… Anyways our mind power is a powerful tool, I so much agree with you that out thoughts impact our actions, feelings and ones physiology. So  It’s very important we put our mind power into action. 

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