Don’t Let Fear Get In Your Way

Don't Let Fear Hold You Back

Fear is a powerful, primitive response that is supposed to alert you to a threat. That threat can be physical, psychological and even imagined. Unmanaged fear is an underlying cause of stress and anxiety, but the good news is that it can be addressed and used positively.

There is a huge range of fears. There are healthy fears of real dangers. It’s developmentally appropriate for example, for young children to have a certain level of fear around people they don’t know. It’s also realistic for you to feel a level of fear doing something new that’s potentially dangerous. At the other end of the scale, there is a multitude of mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorders, and phobias. These diagnosed disorders all have elements of fear at their core.

Don't Let Fear Get In Your WayFear responses are very individual. Some kinds of fear can be enjoyable and even seen as necessary to some people. Being scared by watching a scary movie or terrifying yourself on the Tower of Doom at an amusement park are sought after experiences for many people. Extreme sportspeople and adventurers even crave the adrenalin and excitement that comes with activities that create fear.

Other people seek to avoid fear wherever possible. This can be limiting because there is likely to be a level of fear whenever you move outside your comfort zone and try something new.

 

FEAR

An old acronym you may have heard of to describe fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real. This can be a useful way of looking at phobias and other conditions where fears are unrealistic. But it’s not an effective way of looking at legitimate fears.

If you’re fearful because you’re investing your life savings in a new business venture, that’s a realistic fear. Many new businesses don’t survive. If you’re fearful about an exam, that’s legitimate because if you fail you may have to repeat a unit of study or not be able to work in the field that you want to.

 

FEARAn effective way of dealing with this kind of fear is: Face it, Evaluate, Take Action, Re-evaluate.

Face it

Fears that aren’t faced don’t go aware they fester. It’s far better to face a fear. Acknowledge it as rationally and realistically as you can.

Evaluate

When Roosevelt said to the American people during the depression, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” he was talking about people rushing to the banks to withdraw their money. He went on to say: “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

Before taking action it’s important to remember that when you’re feeling afraid you may not be thinking clearly. Evaluating your fears and options before taking action is a valuable investment of time. Get feedback from people you trust to make sure that your perceptions are logical.

Action

Action needs to be reasonable, realistic. Don’t make bad decisions just to ease your fear if what you’re doing is legitimately scary. Fears can be managed by thoughts and actions. Keep your thoughts optimistically realistic, make the best choices you can and take the best actions you can to achieve the result you want.

Re-Evaluate

Life is a constantly changing landscape. Decisions and actions need to be regularly reviewed to make sure that they’re still valid and meet the needs of all concerned.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway is a book by the late Susan Jeffers. Jeffers claims that the underlying cause of fear is a lack of belief in your ability to cope with a certain situation or outcome. She says that only by doing the things you’re afraid of can you overcome your fears. In the process, you will build your capabilities and your confidence.

Are Your Fears Stressing You?

Free Stress QuizFind out by taking our quick Free Stress Quiz.

 

As always if you have any questions, comments or feedback we would love to hear from you in the comments below. Your comments help others by your sharing and they also help this post to rank in Google where people can find it amongst all the online noise. So if this is something you think is valuable please take the time to leave a comment below before you go.

Thanks again

Deb🌻

 

What You Can Do When You Hate Your Job?

Set Yourself Free

At the moment just having a job can be a relief. But what can you do if you hate your job?

Hating your job is not a great idea. The declaration, “I hate my Job” can feel soothing, especially after a period of denial. It’s like a baring of your soul ……I HATE MY JOB!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE ASAP. Unfortunately, no amount of baying at the moon will do you any good. Your resentment, unhappiness, disinterest and disconnection will just make the toxicity at work worse. Your work quality and productivity will slip. You could lose the job that feeds your kids in a way that reduces your future options.

If you can afford to quit, or if there’s another better job on the horizon by all means go for it. But staying, for a while at least has its advantages. Being able to accept any tricky situation and find positives, is a valuable skill. You may no longer want your job. But while you still have it you may be able to use it to your benefit. If nothing else having a job that you don’t like is a perfect opportunity to practice a positive mindset.

Write a list of the positives for your job. I’ve started you off, but your list has to be unique to you, it has to make sense to you and it has to have meaning for you.

• A regular paycheque is always going to be a positive thing.
• Hating your job is showing you what you don’t want. Use this to figure out what you do want.
• Your job situation could be giving you the opportunity to learn how to manage a difficult relationship. It could be showing you a pattern where you’ve always backed down. You could take this and learn how to stand in your own power.
• Having something you have to do each day can be positive. It helps prevent you from being overwhelmed while you sort other things out.
• Keep your job but cut your hours back if you can. This gives you the chance to build a bridge to your new life. This is more comfortable than diving in to a swirling river of doubts and fears in order to get to the other side.
• If you haven’t decided what you want to do next, staying where you are for the time-being can work as a placeholder. It lets you figure out your next step. Use your current job as a guide to your next step by understanding which of your needs it meets, and which of your needs it doesn’t.
• Whatever your job is it will give you some opportunity to contribute. That’s great for your Power Needs.
• Not enjoying your job could motivate you to work your butt off on a new business, study for a new career or investigate a new job and prepare yourself to be a strong candidate.
• You can use vacation/holiday time and sick leave to work on creating the future you want.

The best way to create joy, peace and satisfaction in life is to properly understand and meet your needs. There will always be some way within your job for you to do that. Download our Free Needs Profile Questionnaire to better understand your needs. Use that information in deciding on where you go from here.

As always if you have any questions, comments or feedback we would love to hear from you in the comments below. Your comments help others by your sharing and they also help this post to rank in Google where people can find it amongst all the online noise. So if this is something you think is valuable please take the time to leave a comment below before you go.

Thanks again

Deb🌻

NATURAL STRESS RELIEF – 7 Top Tips

Your One Elusive Thing

natural stress relief

Learning natural stress relief techniques is not difficult because stress is not necessarily a bad thing. We all need some stress in our lives but what we don’t want are the nasty physical symptoms caused by too much stress. This is when stress becomes distress and can have very unpleasant outcomes such as heart disease, addictions, obesity and chronic depression.

1. Hang on to your Good Habits

Your One Elusive Thing

When people become overly stressed they often use it as an excuse to give up on all the good habits they already have in their life. They stop exercising, replace healthy home-cooked food with takeout and work into the night when they can’t sleep.

By maintaining the healthy habits that you already have and developing new healthy habits you can avoid many of the debilitating symptoms of too much stress.

To do this you will need to go against your feelings. Your feelings are the result of your thoughts and your behaviors. Feelings cannot be trusted when you are under stress because your thinking will not be at its best. This leads us nicely to our second natural stress relief habit.

2. Mind Mastery

The single most important thing you can do to relieve stress is to take charge of your mind. Stress is the result of how you respond to what is happening in your life. If you change your response you will relieve the stress you are feeling.

This may sound simple but unfortunately, it is far from simple. It is a practice, however, that once learned will serve you throughout your life.

A lot of what happens in your life is beyond your control. To manage your stress levels you need to let go of what you can’t control. There may be some things that you can do in relation to what you can’t control, e.g you cannot stop a pandemic, but you can keep yourself as safe as possible.

Take action over what you can do and then keep your thoughts as positive as possible. Affirmations, mantras and even song clips are valuable if your mind is in a very negative loop. It helps to have something positive to quickly replace the negative thoughts that increase your stress. “Every little thing’s gonna be all right,” by Bob Marley is a great choice for this, but be specific as well. Watch your thoughts and if they are not going to serve you to reduce your stress challenge them. If you’re worried about not being good enough, keep telling yourself that “I’ve got this,” and find examples to back it up so that you convince yourself that it’s true.

3. Exercise

Exercise is an important habit to manage stress for a number of reasons. Exercise produces endorphins and endorphins are your body’s natural feel-good chemicals, so use them to keep stress under control.

It’s easier to stop negative thoughts from surging through your mind if you’re walking or running in nature. If you still find it difficult, stick in some headphones and play your favourite music.

Exercise will help you to sleep better and feel better about yourself. It will also help mop up excess calories from any stress eating that might creep in.

4. Meditation

There are various kinds of meditation and they can help to manage stress by relaxing your body and giving your mind a break from fearful thoughts.

Stress is largely your fears about what might happen in the future and meditation helps keep you focused on the present. You don’t have to be 100% still to meditate. Any activity where your mind is deeply focused can be a form of meditation. Mindfully walking or running in nature, yoga, or cycling can relieve stress if your mind is firmly focused in the present

5. Keep a healthy Work/Life Balance

Unfortunately, a healthy work/life balance is often the first thing to go during a period of high stress. Keeping a healthy work/life balance is an important preventer of distress, but it is also an important thing to maintain or regain if you become overstressed. You may be suffering from having worked too hard for too long. Rebalance by taking a few days sick-leave if you can, doctors are generally very open to giving you time off work for stress, and confidentiality laws mean that no one at work needs to know why you are off work unless you want them to.

Most work goes through periods of intensity but if those periods keep going, they can become the norm and that is unsustainable. Guard your work/life balance carefully. It’s necessary for you to be able to sustain a realistic workload over the long haul. The unfortunate result of not doing this is burnout and that can be a difficult thing to come back from. Set boundaries around times of extra work and stick to them. If your job or your business cannot work with that, something deeper may need to be looked at.

6. Food and Drink

Stress eating is common because food is often used as a comforter. If you do this you are doing yourself a disservice because keeping to a mostly healthy diet is important in maintaining healthy stress levels. Eating badly will increase stress levels because it inevitably leaves you feeling depleted of energy, unwell, overweight, and unattractive.

Choose to relieve tension and other uncomfortable stress-related feelings in healthy ways rather than digging into a bucket of ice-cream, or drinking a bottle of wine. Have your healthy stress-relieving activities ready to go so you can do something beneficial just as easily as you can head for the fridge.

7. Learn Choice Theory

How to Deal with Stress and Anxiety Effectively

 

Dr William Glasser was a psychiatrist who was a strong advocate of natural stress relief. He didn’t believe that stress and anxiety are illnesses but rather mistaken thinking that can be corrected by choosing better behaviours, especially better thinking.

If you would like to learn more about this head over to courses.choicetheory.org.   You can learn more about Choice Theory there, sign up for regular updates or check out our online stress and anxiety course.

But Before You Go….

Please leave a comment if you think this information is valuable. Your comment will help others, help me to provide useful content, and help Google to find us.

Thanks so much

 

Deb 🌻

How To Deal With Stress and Anxiety

Happiness

If you are still trying to figure out how to deal with stress and anxiety effectively I have the single most important strategy. Ready? Here goes….

Focus On The One Thing You Can Control

How to Deal with Stress and Anxiety

The Only Thing You Can Control

There is only one thing in life that you can truly control and that is yourself. If you don’t believe me make a list of all the things and people that you think you can control. What you will find is that the people you think you have control over are actually choosing to co-operate with you. You might think you have control of your finances, but a pandemic, a bush fire, or a health emergency can upset that perceived control very quickly. You only have control over your car while you are driving it safely but even then someone could cross over into your lane and wipe you out.

I would have saved myself years of wasted effort if I had known this while I tried to control my ex-husband.

Are you wasting your precious time stressing out and becoming anxious over things that you have no control over? Even though you know logically that your upset and angst is not going to change a situation one iota, do you seem to believe that your response is justified and maybe even required?

The Pay-offs

Responding to a situation with excessive stress and anxiety does have some rewards. It may be a matter of principle for you. If you see injustice and violence you may have an underlying belief that requires you to be deeply affected because that is how you believe a good, righteous and caring person would respond. So you are behaving in line with your thoughts about yourself, even though those thoughts are causing you to feel awful emotionally, and maybe even physically.

Another payoff for your chosen behaviour, and yes, all behaviour is chosen, is the sympathy and attention you will elicit from people who care about you. You can even join groups on Facebook and have strangers engage with you sympathetically.

But I do Not Want to Feel Life This!!

Feelings do not occur in a vacuum. Feeling are created from behaviours and one of your most important behaviours is your thinking. All behaviours are chosen to meet one of the five basic needs, that everyone has to varying degrees: Survival, Love and Belonging, Fun, Freedom and Power (acknowledgement and achievement). The good news is that if you don’t like the way you are feeling, it is possible to change your behaviours and especially your thoughts.

Let’s Put it into Practice

So the question is: what is the primary need are you trying to meet by stressing and becoming anxious over something that you cannot control? Take the Pandemic for example.

If you are stressed out and anxious over the pandemic, it is possibly because your survival needs have been threatened. There is nothing you can do about the pandemic, but there are things you can do about your survival needs during a pandemic: –

  • You could stay home as much as possible;
  • You could maintain social distancing, wear a mask and hands when you are out;
  • You can do everything you can to pandemic proof your finances;
  • You can be vigilant over your thoughts to remain optimistic, peaceful and grateful for all that is still right in the world;
  • You can maintain all your good physical health practices especially exercise because of the endorphins it produces.

It Is Enough

Only being able to control yourself in a great big world might not seem like much but it is plenty. Understanding what your biggest needs are and learning how best to meet them is the key to maintaining your wellbeing no matter what is going on around you. You may not be able to have everything you want but you can generally have everything that you need. There are so many different ways to meet you needs once you understand what they are.

You can download a Needs Profile Checklist in the sidebar. This will show you the needs that are most important to you and that are most likely to cause you stress and anxiety if they are not met successfully. If you’re serious about dealing with your stress and anxiety download the checklist and I’ll email you more information on how to successfully meet your needs.

If you have been through the Needs Profile and you would like more support in managing your stress and anxiety check out our course: How to Deal with Stress and Anxiety Effectively.

Thanks for reading 😊

As always if you have any questions, comments or feedback we would love to hear from you in the comments below. Your comments help others by your sharing and they also help this post to rank in Google where people can find it amongst all the online noise. So if this is something you think is valuable please take the time to leave a comment below before you go.

Thanks again

Deb🌻

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Online Stress Management – 50% SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU’RE SPECIAL

Deal with Stress & Anxiety Effectively

Deal with Stress & Anxiety EffectivelyI originally wrote this post for the solstice and because of the difficult times but it seems that there is a demand for this course at this price that has gone beyond the solstice. So I’m extending it as a special gift and thank you for taking the time to visit this blog. As a writer having an audience is important and I’m a writer, not a You Tuber or podcaster so if you will keep reading I’ll keep writing.

By all accounts, people continue to suffer from unprecedented levels of stress and anxiety. We know the material that Jeff uses with his counselling clients works and so we know that our course How to Deal with Stress and Anxiety Effectively will work to put you into the healthy stress zone that we call Eustress.  This is the “zone” that top-performing athletes find when they are giving their very best.

This course is different from any other Stress and Anxiety Course we know of. It’s also different from most counselling therapy that you may have had. Here’s why: –

  • It goes further than simply advising you on how to reduce the symptoms of stress and anxiety, it gives you a solid plan for tackling the underlying causes of your specific stress and anxiety.
  • You will not have to dredge up your past. You are feeling anxious and stressed in the present and that’s where it’s most beneficial to deal with it.

This short video explains the difference between stress first aid and really getting to the bottom of your stress and anxiety once and for all.

Click here and let Jeff tell you all about it himself.

AND receive a 50% discount by entering the word SPECIAL into the coupon field.

This offer will give you 24/7 access to support material, videos and activities for less than half of the cost of just one counselling session.

PLUS you can contact Jeff via the course comments and he will reply asap (not 24/7 😊 )

PLUS a number of the modules deal with Choice Theory Basics. This is learning the basics of Choice Theory in a  nutshell, something most people spend days of face-to-face training doing. We have seen through Jeff’s offline work just how transformation applying this material is.

Give it a go, you will be very pleased that you did.

To your improved wellbeing 😊💐

Deb & Jeff

 

Deb and Jeff

 

Learning Choice Theory – My Story

Deb and Jeff

 

Deb and Jeff

If I had known Choice Theory when I was younger I would have saved myself literally years of trying to meet my needs in some really dumb ways, with often disastrous results. This is a difficult post to write because it’s based on my story and it’s exposing. I won’t go into all the gory details but I want to summarise the basics of Choice Theory which have made a huge difference to the way I live my life. I’m writing it because I hope it can save other people from having to go through what I have, to get their lives working properly.

Ineffectively trying to Meet Needs

I grew up with high power needs in an environment with very few ways to meet them. It was a time when parents were quick to criticise and slow to praise, at least directly. I was pretty much doomed from the start.

I spent the first fifteen years of my adult life trying to meet my power needs via the success and adoration of my first husband. While that strategy worked for a while, eventually it wasn’t enough and my mental health began to suffer significantly. In my mid-thirties I was diagnosed and hospitalised with bi-polar disorder and told I would have to be medicated for the rest of my life.

I might not have known Choice Theory then, but I knew medication wasn’t going to work for me so I set about curing my “bi-polar disorder”. It took me over ten years, but I believe I have done that, although I know my behaviours can still cause bi-polar behaviours to recur. If I had been introduced to Choice Theory I’m sure I would have made the connection between my behaviours and my mental health a lot faster.

Stop Groping Around in The Dark

Accurately Meeting Your NeedsWithout having a good understanding of my needs I see now that I was groping around in the dark, grabbing at any bright, shiny thing that I thought might give my life the meaning, happiness and peace I was desperately searching for.

Recently I’ve been writing articles for other people to use on their websites. I’ve had to make our Personal Need’s profile available for those people because just about every article comes back to pinpointing what people’s individual needs are and how they might be able to meet them. Life really is about meeting our needs and the better we are able to focus in on that the more successful we will be in all areas of our life. You can download your own Need’s Profile in the sidebar so you can target  your needs more accurately, if this is an issue for you.

Focusing on What You Can Control

The only thing we can control is our behaviour and the most important behaviour to control is our thinking. This is because the actions we choose are a result of our thoughts. We can choose thinking that serves us, or thoughts that set us back. This has taken me ages to come to grips with because I didn’t think that I could control the things that I most needed to, in order to meet my needs. I believed I had very little real control over my life. I even made myself more powerless by giving myself a so-called mental illness. Instead of focusing on meeting my own needs I spent much of my life trying to “fix” others. Not surprisingly that didn’t  work so well.

Taking Responsibility

We can only give ourself the power to change our situation if we take responsibility for our part in creating it. Blaming someone else is a huge barrier to change because we relinquish our own power, and  avoid self-evaluating and choosing more effective behaviours.

Self-Evaluation

Self-EvaluationThe behaviours we choose to meet our needs determine how successful our life will be. If our mental health is not what it should be chances are we are not meeting our needs very effectively.

WDEP

In the end Willian Glasser, creator or Choice Theory, tied everything up very neatly in his simple four step strategy:

  • What do you want?
  • What are you Doing to get it?
  • Evaluate (i.e. how is that working for you?)
  • Plan (to meet your needs as best you can)

Even after meeting Jeff it took a few years for me to fully embrace Choice Theory and the work of William Glasser. The mental health industry has made mental health so complex and Dr Glasser made it so unbelievably simple that I found it difficult to grasp its depth. In fact if I hadn’t experienced its value first hand maybe I still wouldn’t have. There are after all, still many bright, shiny and expensive solutions out there.

If you don’t want to learn Choice Theory for yourself learn it for your kids and give them a great start in life.

Solstice Special

Whether you’re entering the winter solstice as we are in Australia, or you’re in the northern hemisphere and are entering the summer solstice; I wanted to acknowledge this as a period of change in the hope that as a global community we are moving into happier times. To do this we’re giving out a 50% discount coupon over this solstice period, for our course “How to deal with Stress and Anxiety Effectively”. This course is different because it uses Choice Theory to deal with the underlying causes of stress and anxiety as well as depression and so much more.

Even if you aren’t Stressed and Anxious

At a 50% discount this course is great value even if you don’t suffer from stress and anxiety because it includes the core components of Choice Theory that will benefit you in your relationships with your family, your friends and even in your workplace.

  • The Needs that Drive all our Behaviour
  • Our Quality World
  • Our Perceived World
  • Our Comparing Place
  • What Do I have Control Over ?
  • What can I Change ?
  • The Road Forward

These seven modules are basic Choice Theory and comprise nearly half of the course. Being proactive and learning these core facets of Choice Theory may mean that you will never have to live through severe stress and anxiety. You will certainly improve your mental health, your wellbeing and the quality of your life. To get the course with the 50% discount click any of the links, including right here, I know you’ll be glad that you did👍

Thanks for reading, have a great week and an even greater life.

 

Deb 😊 💐

How to Improve your Relationship

Good Relationships

RelationshipsJust a heads-up 😊 We made it into the top 100 Personal Development blogs on Feedspot this week👍 .

Chances are that over the past few months you have been spending more time with your significant other than ever before. How is that working for you? Has the closeness of contact brought you closer together, or has it driven you further apart? The answer to that question is likely to depend on whether your relationship is based on Internal or External Control Psychology.

Internal and External Control Psychology

What do these terms mean? In simple practical terms, external control is when you have a belief that, “if only he, she, it or they were the way I believe they should be, then I would be happy.” Your efforts are then primarily focused on trying to make them be the way you think they should be. Internal control differs in that when he, she, it or they are not the way you would like them to be, you self-evaluate your own behaviour and work out what you can do differently to get a better result.

The dominant psychology of external control is so endemic that really good people are caught up in it without understanding that what they are doing is destructive. It starts early in a relationship when one party begins to take a controlling position. “This is how things have to be…”, “Don’t do this or say that….” ,”This is how I want things to be..” and a myriad of similar statements.

On the surface it seems reasonable, they have probably been told somewhere that what they are doing is being assertive and believe that they are simply stating what they want from the relationship. However if it isn’t balanced with an effort to find out what the other wants and to negotiate something that works for both, then it is controlling and damaging to the relationship.

It may even seem to work for a while, as long as the other person is prepared to go along with it for the sake of the relationship. However this can’t last, as resentment builds up and the other starts to fight for what they want or may even withdraw from the relationship altogether. This fighting or withdrawal may last days, weeks, months, years or even decades, but eventually the relationship will fail.

Over the years Jeff has worked with numerous couples in counselling and has concluded that there are several things necessary if a relationship is to survive and ultimately to thrive.

Responsibility

  • Taking responsibility for your own actions is essential if your relationship is to survive. As long as you blame your partner for how you are feeling, thinking and doing, then little progress will be made.

Self EvaluationFeel Better

  • William Glasser’s quote, ” I have noticed that happy people are constantly evaluating themselves and unhappy people are constantly evaluating others” has great relevance here. Successful relationships are the result of the participants focusing on self evaluation and choosing more successful behaviours for themselves, rather than judging each other’s behaviours.

Let it Go if you Can

  • Pick your battles. Before you decide that something needs to be changed, think carefully about whether it actually does. Does it really matter if your partner doesn’t colour code the pegs when they hang out the washing? The simplest solutions to you feeling better about it might be your acceptance of it, or for you to do it yourself.
  • If it is a bigger problem which really does impact on your ability to meet your needs, not just your wants, then negotiate fairly. Come up with something that works for both of you. Remember, if it works for you but not your partner, the relationship will be damaged.
  • If you can’t negotiate over something that is important for you to be able to meet your needs, you will have to decide whether you can accept it for the survival of the relationship or not.
  • If you are the victim of domestic violence, whether emotional, financial or physical your should seek support. You can do this by searching online for domestic violence assistance in you area, or by connecting with a good counsellor or psychologist. If you believe you are in immediate danger you should call the police.

The Only Person You can Control is You

  • This is a critical thing to understand. The belief that if I just keep coming back to the issue often enough, long enough and hard enough, that eventually I will wear you down and win…. is the dry rot which destroys the foundation of any relationship. If your relationship is very strong to begin with, and while it is new, it may not seem to have a damaging effect. But that is the nature of dry rot, it quietly works away without you noticing……until the whole structure collapses.
  • If something is not working for you, you should focus on what you can do to make it better.

Perceptions

  • It’s important to understanding that how your partner sees things is as real to them as how you see things is to you. Respect and acceptance, even if you don’t agree with your partner, are connecting and will put you in a better position to negotiate fairly than nagging and ridiculing them.

Feelings and Motivation

  • None of us knows what another is thinking or what they are feeling. Resist telling your partner that you know better than them what they are thinking and feeling and what motivates their behaviour. Accept what they tell you and move on to what you are going to do so it works better for both of you.

Future Focus

  • No one can change the past. A willingness to focus on how you can improve your relationship ……..rather than on how it has been, is important in order to move forward. Acknowledge what each believes has happened, but shift quickly to jointly creating a picture of how you want it to be in the future.
Good Relationships
Photo by Văn Thắng from Pexels

Sexual Satisfaction

  • Typically sexual satisfaction is higher when everything else in a relationship is working well. Dissatisfaction over sex is still relatively common however, whether you’re with a new partner or have been partnered for many years. 
  • Jeff has designed an online quiz to help you better understand your own sexual needs and those of your partner. It’s free, anonymous and only you get to see your results.  Click here if you would like to complete the quiz

Couples in successful relationships put the health of the relationship before the wants of the individual. We all have needs that must be met, but our wants are only one of an infinite number of possible ways to meet those. A willingness to give up what you want so that you can better get what you need, is the hallmark of a healthy, creative and mature approach to a relationship.

If you would like further assistance with your relationship, please use the contact us page. We can answer any further questions or arrange online or face to face counselling and support.

Please also share a comment below, your engagement will help others and also give me ideas about what kinds of things I should write about in future posts.

Thanks for reading

Deb 🙂

 

A Life Plan Reduces Stress and Anxiety

ways to deal with stress
Self-Awareness
Photo by Deden Dicky Ramdhani from Pexels

One thing that is exciting about crafting a life plan for yourself is the role that it plays in reducing stress and anxiety and increasing the level of success you can achieve in all areas of your life, physical, cognitive, and social-emotional.

If you can evaluate where you are compared to where you want to be, identify steps, and assemble a plan that is realistic in reaching the goals you’ve set for your life, you literally cannot lose. Even if you slightly miss the mark or change your mind as you go – you will still have succeeded.

Self Awareness

Being self-aware allows you to look to yourself, the only person you have any control over, for the changes that are needed to reach the success you desire. For example, if you realise that you are prickly around feedback  do you say, “Don’t critique me because I can’t handle it!” Or do you instead teach yourself with the help of books, courses, classes, counsellors or coaches,  to learn to handle feedback better? Being able to evaluate where you are and make a choice to improve is part of having a growth mindset, rather than having a fixed mindset.

 

You’ll Develop a Better Sense of Direction

When you really know who you are, what you want, and how to get what you really want, you’re going to have a much chance of success than the average person. Knowing what you want to get out of life is an important aspect of what helps you set your own course. You also learn not to overwhelm yourself trying to do too much at once because you know that when you set your goals realistically you have a much better chance of achieving them.

 

You’ll Become More Focused and Effective

Focus

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One of the things that you want most from personal development, if you are to become more focused and more effective, is clarity. Understanding your individual needs, your quality world pictures and your perceptions is vital if you are to develop true clarity. Once you have it you can become more and more effective at realising each success, and in taking the correct steps to get you where you want to go. Roadblocks, obstacles, and threats lose their power over you because you know exactly where you are going and you can change course slightly or pivot when necessary.

You’ll be much more Motivated

Motivation can be hard to sustain, but this is generally a problem when you don’t have a clear enough picture of how your goals are going to meet your needs. When you plan your goals with your needs squarely at the forefront of your mind, your successes will be truly motivational.

  • Think about how motivated you would feel to continue working on challenging family relationships if you were able to successfully reconnect with an estranged family member.
  • Earning money from your first sale in your online business would give you a real boost if your business is linked to meeting your needs. Maybe you are doing it for greater freedom, time with your family, or security. As long as you can understand the link to your needs and where it fits into your plan it will be motivating. If not you could get bound up in thinking it’s not enough, it’s too hard, it’s too slow, and give up too soon.

Creating positive thoughts for yourself whenever an action you took moved you positively towards your goals is incredibly motivating. It’s important however to also remember not to beat yourself up when your actions don’t always go according to plan, or something outside of your control throws up a challenge. Again this is where cultivating a growth mindset is invaluable.

You’ll Become More Resilient

As you begin you really know yourself and where you’re going, something happens along the way. You’ll not only feel good about the things you’re doing, you’ll become a much stronger person. One of the first things you may notice is that you can bounce back faster from setbacks and roadblocks.

When you know how to plan using informed, actionable steps, to get to where you want to go, there seems to be fewer problems, issues, and roadblocks, simply because you know you’re capable and know what to do. You will have tools, crafted from the development of your personal plan, to help you overcome issues that would ordinarily delay your progress. You can’t control anything outside of yourself; however, you will have more control of your habitual responses and learned behaviours.

You’ll be in charge of your Life

A Life PlanOne of the things that will gradually become apparent as you work through your personal development plan, is that you have full control over your own actions. The way you feel is a direct result of your behaviour (including your thoughts), and so when you act in accordance with a plan, that has been developed around your needs you will begin to take charge of your life at a very deep level.

The role personal development plays in your level of success in all areas of your life is clear. People who spend time developing themselves tend to experience life more fully, make more money, have better and more fulfilling relationships, and are more satisfied with their place in the world. The reason is that you cannot get to where you want to go without taking small daily actions to get there. Your personal development plan will be the map that guides you to where you want to go.

Resources to Help

Developing a Life Plan reduces stress and anxiety and we have a full course on that just click here to check it out.How to deal with Stress and Anxiety Effectively

 

 

 

If you have any questions or comments I’d love to hear them in the comments section below.

Each great day is a step towards a great life.

Bye for now 🙂

Deb