Have you ever asked yourself how you could be your best self? I have, and I used to think that meant struggle but no more.
Now I believe that the first step to being the best you can be is to take words like struggle, hard, strive, work etc., out of the equation.
I was reading a blog post today by a couple of very popular bloggers and they have clearly come to a very different conclusion about this. They wrote, “YOU need to do HARD things to be HAPPY in life”. They go on to say this is because, “the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life.”
Is this true?
Is going hard the best way?
Why do you want to be your best self?
Because you believe it will bring you happiness.
Is struggle your idea of happiness?
Can the destination really be different to the journey?
Think of every choice you make as a decision to put your boat in the water and paddle either with the current or against the current. Going with the current is going to get you where we want to go a lot faster and a lot more easily than paddling against it.
Paddling with the current is working with your needs profile and is how you will most effectively meet your needs, because that’s what life is all about. Everything you do everyday is an attempt to meet a need.
But what if what you want is against the current? There are infinite ways to meet your needs and you will find plenty of options when you choose to go with the current. Go with the flow of your life, don’t try and go against it.
You can never be your best self while you are forcing your way against the flow of your life.
Paddling against the current can seem like the only option but you are chasing a want rather than a need.
A want is something that you think will make you happy or at least prevent pain, a need is something that will actually make you happy.
It might seem easier to hang on to destructive habits or a lack of healthy habits like exercise, but that’s paddling against the current. No one needs to be unhealthy and endure all the associated outcomes. What keeps you heading in that direction is all the stories you are telling yourself about why your choices are a good idea.
- I don’t care about my weight
- I’ve tried everything and nothing works
- I can’t give up smoking
- I need alcohol to wind down
- I hate exercise
The Best Way to Make Change is as Comfortably as Possible
There’s a process of creating new habits and making new neural pathways which can seem uncomfortable but a lot of that discomfort comes down to how you think about it. If you tell yourself something is hard it will be hard. If you think what you’re doing is enjoyable it will be. Maybe not at once, but it will happen.
Unless you actively use your mind to be your biggest supporter, it will be your biggest challenger. Unless you turn your thoughts to supporting your actions you’re unlikely to be successful with them in the long term.
If you’re trying to lose weight and you keep telling yourself that you miss your treats, your food is boring, or it’s not fair that you can’t eat like your skinny sister, you probably won’t succeed. Change your thoughts to something that is true for you but supports your goal.
“I miss my treats,” ➡️ “I’m finding some really nice new snack food that keeps me losing weight (and follow up with action to do that)
“This food is boring,” ➡️ “I’m finding some really interesting new food I can eat.” (and follow up with action to do that)
“It’s not fair that I can’t eat like my skinny sister.” ➡️ “I can have anything I want in small quantities.”
Building skills through practise, changes something from hard to easy and changing your MINDSET is the hardest thing you need to do!
Repetition is the way that your body, including your brain learns. Repeated thoughts and actions will become your reality.
Change requires commitment but it will only be as hard as you make it. By heading with the current towards your needs, rather than chasing what you think you want, you will become your best self and find happiness faster.
For clarity around your particular needs you can download a needs profile checklist in the sidebar.
If you are feeling stressed and anxious check out our online course here.
Thanks for reading 😊
As always if you have any questions, comments or feedback we would love to hear from you in the comments below. Your comments help others by your sharing and they also help this post to rank in Google where people can find it amongst all the online noise. So if this is something you think is valuable please take the time to leave a comment below before you go.
This is the kind of inspirational and educative posts that I should be reading everyday. I love how you can say that commitment is a very good virtue and also how you can tell us that we should learn to be repetitive of the good things because that is the way that our brain learns. I am definitely going to use what I have learnt from your website here in my lifestyle.
Thanks Jay, glad be be useful
Such a beautiful and inspiring post. It instantly took me back to when I read “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay. I remember being surprised when reading and understanding the power that our thoughts have on us. “Your thoughts create words, that create actions, that create habits, that becomes your character and that ultimately becomes your destiny”.
This means that our destinies and future are completely on our hands and the attitude we engage with towards things that happen in life will determine a great deal the outcome of those things. Thanks for writing such amazing piece of wisdom. 🙂
Thank you for your very kind words 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing with us an interesting and excellent article. The principal content of this article is How To Be Your Best Self. It is really pretty that you have demonstrated this topic so well in your article. I have learned a lot by reading your article and gained a lot of cognition about it. Of the points mentioned in your article, I like Choices. People can exalt themselves above positive thinking. That’s why it’s important to look at what you choose because many people want to change their life with negative thoughts but it’s never possible. From my actual experience, I am giving the opinion that I have built my life by avoiding all the negativity of life by seeing or expecting something good and this is my success.
You are totally correct and it’s good to see someone having success with these strategies 🙂
Hi Deb and Jeff,
How I wish I knew you while I was still working very hard almost 3 years ago. My time and my brain were completely overpowered and controlled by my job at the time I was still working. My job was on my head while trying to fall asleep like things I have to do to prep for meetings and the people I need to call. It was a terrible nature of work when I think of it now. When I broke free from that job, my life was completely transformed. I have a sister in law who is on all kinds of meds and not in good shape as far as her thoughts are concerned. I will get in touch with her and see if she will consider enrolling in your courses to change her life. You have such an inspirational profession as it will help people in need of changing their journey in life that is heading the wrong way.
Thank you for sharing your information.
Thank you Evelyn, here is a link if your sister is interested https://courses.choicetheory.org
Very nice post. I’ve always have the tendency to let others dictate my life. All the while I’ve been fighting back for them not to have the upper hand.
However, lately I’ve been going with the flow, as your article put it. I am practicing not fighting back. You know what? I am now more at peace with myself and more willing to accept any eventualities in my life. (NB: The eventualities are some very good ones too). It is not always easy but with the thought “going with the flow” at the back of my mind, things are becoming simpler and less painful.
My journey to being the best of myself is very fulfilling thus far. There are still lots of areas that need to be touch but your article here has just proven that I am definitely on the right track.
Thank you for the great read and support.
Thanks Carol, glad to be of help 🙂